The psychology of relationships in a family is real science that hasn’t revealed all its secrets yet. How can a family keep the warmth of relationship and mutual respect up to an old age? People even joke that if there is anything good in this life, it’s definitely not a marriage. This article is an attempt to contribute into turning around an unhappy marriage and making it good and happy once again for many, many years to come.
Why Do People Marry?
Short answer, it is implied in our society that people should marry. Everyone dreams to be loved, hopes that everything will be fine, to have wonderful children and some definite status in society.
But, unfortunately, not everyone can brag he/she is fully happy and everything they dreamed about has come true. Every family has moments when there is full harmony and an ideal relationship in it. In some marriages such periods last several days, in others they may last many years and in this article, there is a secret on what it takes to prolong these moments for many years.
But before that secret is revealed, it’s worth to note that having a happy marriage doesn’t mean it’s protected from problems and negative influences. Everyone disagrees, every couple has arguments and everyone at least once in his/her life has experienced pain and disappointment.
Our everyday life is truly considered to be a real trial for a close-knit and happy family, a real strength test. It’s quite common that the happier the marriage, the more it exposes to damaging influences of everyday problems and failures. However, shared concerns always make people closer. In addition to everyday family life, spouses are also bound by one more important thing – emotional unity.
Every Family Is A Puzzle
You think you know everything about the family relationship of your best friend? Well, you don’t. You know only what you see and hear. But there are some things hidden from others and can’t be seen.
What about mutual feelings of spouses, their thoughts and desires? How can you see them? Yes, probably all of us know at least one couple which looks outstanding and happy. And it’s not a mere look, but all your acquaintances are saying so. They are held up as an example. They claim they are happy themselves. But all of a sudden, you learn the idyllic has disappeared and their marriage has ended.
3 Foundations Of A Happy Marriage
Constructors know well that the more solid the foundation is, the more lasting and durable the building is. People also build their marriages like that. Our family foundation is love, whereby we get unlimited possibilities. Only because of mutual love we enjoy the presence of our partner, and because of it, we experience strong feelings. But whether those feelings are pleasant or not, depends on us.
What is love?
Love is a feeling of one person towards another one. But not all feelings are nice, they might be egoistic, right? It’s impossible to measure physical data of love…and similarly, it’s impossible to calculate it mathematically. No one will tell you in advance if your love becomes pure and beautiful with the years or, vice versa, dies away like a volcano which diminishes over time.
Love is not constant. It may grow or die, be with you for the rest of your life or just for a moment, thanks to it you can fly on the wings of happiness or, contrary, fall down under the oppression of it. But what can be said for sure is that love will not be a fail-safe rest for your marriage. It doesn’t mean we don’t need love, though. It means we need something else as an interlink between you and your love for each other.
Almost all couples married because of love. But when time has passed and the passionate relationship has started to diminish couples realize that they have nothing left between them. They become irritable, their arguing ends with quarrels, and fury and alienation reign at their home. Life makes higher demands for people and they can’t satisfy them with this feeling.
We need to have some life experience and knowledge, our own successes and disappointments, financial welfare, peace of mind and full satisfaction from communication with our children and acquaintances. All these factors are interrelated, and even a small change of one of them leads to more significant changes in the whole system.
Then a question arises:
Which marriage can be considered a happy one?
It will be the couple whose relationship is built on three foundations: reasonable reckoning, concord (harmony) between partners and of course mutual affection (love). Just these three constituents are responsible for couples’ happiness or, if they are not available, for their unhappiness.
Many people agree that a relationship should consist of love and concord. Bur regarding the third component – reasonable reckoning – there are constant debates. Many think that it means only material or financial reckoning. But it’s not so. Rather, it is the aspiration for finding a person with similar interests, with whom you will have a mutual understanding. Only due to such reckoning a person can make his/her marriage happy and predictable, which will suit both partners. Your passionate love should be balanced by your rationality.
Marriage is a joint life of two persons, and each of them has their own opinion about family happiness. And only if each spouse puts maximum efforts, when he or she is ready to do anything for the sake of his/her partner through life, only then all efforts will result in success. And after having reached a desirable outcome, one should not relax but struggle every minute for their family’s well-being.
So, when people seek for happiness in their marriage, they should first answer the questions like what they expect from their family life, how well they understand one another, what is their joint communication and to what extent they can jointly face all life’s challenges. In case, when the interests of both partners on the above parameters are identical, they will have a long-lasting relationship.
Even when mutual affection and passion diminish over time, such marriages will not break up – they will stay more durable than love and more lasting than happiness.
Only inwardly strong people can build a really solid marriage. We do hope you belong in that category of people.
Anyway, one should fight for his/her happiness and not wait for it to come out of the blue.