Marriage Intimacy: Is It All About Sex?

Intimacy in your marriage: Maintaining a healthy and enduring relationship…

Intimacy is an important part of a healthy marital relationship. Some relate intimacy only to sex, however others have a more traditionally romantic concept of wanting to make their partners feel special…

The philosophy of a good relationship is to do things that bring you and your partner close.

Remember how you felt when you were first married, you had such an explosion of passion… intimacy in your marriage was something that you were sure would last forever. But little by little things got in the way… work pressures, job dissatisfaction, children, money problems, health issues, alcohol and so on. These are all barriers to romance and marriage intimacy.

A successful and satisfying marriage hinges on removing the barriers that are killing your relationship. In order to resolve your difficulties you need to sit down together and identify the problem areas.

Ten areas which have the potential to make or break marriage intimacy.

  • Finances – excessive debt; one partner spending more than their share of disposable income; extreme control on the part of one partner; poor budgeting.
  • Parenting – undefined or inconsistent boundaries; no couple time; children’s bedrooms too close.
  • Poor living arrangements – bad renovations or generally sub standard conditions; poor layout of rooms; lack of space; spaces unsuitable for children.
  • Friends – placing excessive demands on your time; negative personalities which in turn affect your outlook on life.
  • Work related – excessive travel; disruptive or negative work colleagues; unsuitable or poor working conditions; poor management; dislike of boss and vice versa; heavy workload; high pressure jobs.
  • Health – ongoing problems; alcohol / drug dependency; physical / mental handicap;
  • Family – interference by in-laws; an ill parent; financial responsibility toward a family member.
  • Attitude – controlling; unforgiving; abusive; rude; uncompromising; negative; aggressive; cynical; indecisive.
  • Your relationship – aggressive; nagging; critical; interference from ex partners; unequal roles; lack of sex or one partner being too sexually demanding; lack of communication.
  • Past baggage – physical / sexual / mental abuse; loss of a close friend or family member.

You both need to agree on what areas have affected your marriage intimacy.

Decide what needs to change to restore the passionate marriage that you once took for granted. However you both need to be prepared to make the necessary changes that will provide the transformation you are seeking – one person cannot do this on their own.

How do you go about restoring marriage intimacy.

Many of the special people that we have worked with have made amazing changes simply by agreeing to share household duties, reduce their level of alcohol consumption, doing something romantic for their partner like buying flowers or writing a romantic note, arranging a baby sitter and having a meal out together or taking in a movie… really, the list is almost endless.

Sex of course plays an important part in building intimacy in marriage. It nourishes and energizes a marriage and helps strengthen its bond. While its absence doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve fallen out of love it does indicate that true intimacy is missing.

Can you tell your partner that living without sex makes you feel unloved? Talk about it… try reigniting passion by starting with small things such as kissing and cuddling – not in a “friendship” way but with passion, bathing or showering together, being particular about personal hygiene, wearing ‘come hither’ clothing and underwear and so on.

However be aware that for sex to be ongoing, in a long term intimate relationship, it needs to be based on more than physical attraction. When pressure exists around the issue of sex, seduction can be off putting.

“Men tend to want to have sex to feel close to their wives whereas their wives don’t want to have sex until they feel close.”

Don’t forget the language of love.

Those words and expressions that convey to your partner the unmistakable sign that they are loved. Words such as “I love you”, kissing on parting and coming back together, silently listening to your partner’s point of view, complimenting your partner on their appearance and apologizing when it is required.

Take a look at our article on romantic lovers.

“Making more time for sex and other pleasures goes beyond sharing chores and streamlining systems.
It’s a mindset, an attitude that creates a joyful awareness of ongoing opportunities for intimacy with your mate.”
-Harriet Schechter

Lack of intimacy in marriage is responsible for destroying many a previous loving relationship. There are certain methods and approaches that, if applied, can restore the romance and intimacy in your marriage. One of our recommended guides, “Save The Marriage eBook” outlines such methods.

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