These are the three most serious marriage issues “bar none”…
They are by far the major cause of the vast majority of marriage break ups…
Infidelity and marriage.
In a recent survey around 50% of both married men and women admitted to having had sexual relations with someone else at some time during their marriage. In over 30% of the cases, the innocent spouse was totally unaware of their partner’s infidelity.
Many of these extramarital relationships were a one off and did not become affairs as such.
Admitting to a spouse that you have had a sexual encounter with another person doesn’t necessarily spell the end of a marriage but it does raise serious issues within marriage that need to be dealt with if marriage is to survive.
For more information on this serious topic see our page on marriage affairs.
Many partners have the same or similar addictions; the problem arises when one party has an addiction that the other finds overwhelming. Drug and/or alcohol abuse, gambling, pornography, sex, sport and work are the major serious marriage issues that we counsel on.
Some addictions are easily detected or are even obvious and admitted however that doesn’t make them any easier to bear. In our experience, drug, alcohol and gambling addictions will eventually be become apparent.
A suspecting partner should look for these signs as an indicator of an addiction problem:
Mood swings, irritability or unexplained aggression.
Lack of interest in their appearance?
Ignoring you and the family.
Unexplained absences from home or late arrival home.
Physical signs such as red eyes, dilated pupils, sweating even in cool weather, needle marks, weight loss. Among other things these can also be signs of substance abuse.
Have a look around the house and garage and rubbish bin for bottles, needles and gambling chits.
Do their prescription medications seem to be being finished very quickly?
Are they ignoring their friends and associating with people that you are not familiar with?
Review your bank account at frequent intervals to ensure that there are no unexplained withdrawals.
Have you noticed any signs of alcohol on your partner’s breath or any signs of slurring their words?
Has your partner lost interest in their job or in doing any chores around the house?
Does you partner find it difficult to get up in the morning?
Do they regularly take “sickies” to avoid going to work
Several of the above could be signs of other serious issues rather than addiction, however regardless of the reason or cause you are most certainly heading for a marriage crisis unless professional help is sought.
The “Save My Marriage Today “ covers this topic in detail.
Abuse in marriage.
This is a most serious issue and is a matter that must be dealt with in the very early stages of development.
Don’t try to cope with physical or mental violence on your own. Seek professional help with the highest degree of urgency.
We are aware of situations where the abused partner has been maimed for life or even killed.
In our own family we have suffered the tragedy of having a young niece brutally murdered in her parents home at the hands of an ex partner. The chances are that if she had taken action after the first occasion that he had been physically agressive towards her she would still be with us today.
Those of you who are in an abusive relationship should check out Sophies Story On this site you’ll find details of the classic signs of partner abuse.
Most western countries have a help phone line – use it. In our experience domestic abuse tends to only get worse over time. If you have children, they are also suffering abuse if you are.
The impact on children of an abusive spouse can be far reaching with children sometimes emulating the abuser when they reach adulthood.
You have a responsibility to protect your children from the effects that your abusive relationship may have on them.
|“Peace for peace’s sake is never a healthy option … it opens the way for one partner to be a bulldozer and the other a doormat.”
What can you do?
These are issues that most people cannot deal with on their own. If you are determined to save your marriage no matter what, then you will need to have expert advice on how you should handle such matters.
Many marriage guides cover the issues above in a superficial manner. Believe us, how you deal with your partner’s infidelity, addictions or abuse may be vital for you and your family’s wellbeing.