Cheating in relationships: It may not be the seven year itch…
When an illicit relationship is discovered by an innocent spouse it is very common for that person to exclaim that it “came completely out of the blue”.
This may or may not be the case however as there are usually signs that point to the fact that your partner may be cheating in your marriage even though those signs may be quite subtle.
Check our our article on signs of cheating.
Throughout life, opportunities for an affair will often present themselves – in most cases these opportunities will be resisted. Affairs that do happen are normally as the result of problems in a relationship that are not being resolved.
Why do people cheat on their spouses?
Outined below are six of the major reasons why people cheat in their marriage and turn to another person for sexual intimacy. – It must be said that this action is normally the result of something that is missing, or perceived to be missing, in a relationship.
1. Protest
Believe it or not there are some people who consider that they are within their rights to have an extamarital affair. Particularly if they and their spouse are constantly arguing with each other. They will often seek solace and peace in the arms of someone else as compensation – which they see as their right!
2. Insecurity
There may be many reasons for this – for example:
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A man may very well feel disenfranchised when his pregnant wife focusses entirely on the impending birth of their child and excludes him from any form of intimacy.
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Many women get wrapped up in their childrens lives and tend to neglect the intimate side of a spousal relationship.
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A man will often concentrate on his job and ignore his wife and family. She may then seek the attention of someone else to provide her with the companionship that is missing in her marital relationship.
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Either party may begin to feel vulnerable about their age and their sexual attractiveness with advancing years.
3. Sex & Love
When one of the spouses has declining, or no interest, in a sexual relationship with their partner but the partner’s sexual feelings are still strong, an affair is often seen as the answer to sexual fulfillment.
A person may still require the same sort of love that they first had in their relationship so many years ago. This is of course unrealistic because the total sexual and emotional “in love” feeling that both partners had for each other is a transitory thing – many people don’t recognize this and yearn for what was in the early period of their relationship.
When that rush of “sexually charged love” goes, a spouse may think that something is wrong with their relationship and look for satisfaction elsewhere.
In many of these cases an unfaithful spouse will convince themselves that they have only indulged in an illicit relationship because of what is sometimes called the “fun” is missing from their marital relationship.
4. The One Night Stand
We often hear about “the one night stand” – this is more often than not an extramarital affair that has little relevance to the person that has indulged in it.
Often such an illicit affair is conducted in a state of intoxication or out of sexual curiousity. The impact on your partner, if they find out about it, can be devastating nevertheless.
5. Growing Apart
Couples interests change and may go in different directions, often reaching a point where they can no longer give each other what they need.
6. Breakdown of a Relationship
When a relationship reaches the stage where there are irreconcilable differences it is common for one or both partners to go about searching for someone else so that they have companionship when the marriage dissolves.
What are the two main reasons why some people are inclined to cheat?
The following reasons are why some people are ‘affair prone’, and continue to cheat throughout a committed marital relationship, although they usually have no intention of breaking it up:
Excitement
Some people who cheat are simply hooked on the excitment of the initial feelings of love and intimacy that they experienced in their marriage even though they recognize that this is a situation that doesn’t last.
They don’t want to leave their marriage partner so they get involved in a series of secret “one night stands” and other exciting experiences such as clandestine meetings with members of the opposite sex. These encounters may or may not involve sexual intimacy.
Fear of Intimacy
For some people the intimacy of a committed relationship is too hard to handle. An affair, short or long term, becomes a means of creating distance and privacy.
For those involved in a long term affair they have in effect established two part time relationships, one involving their spouse and the other with their partner outside marriage. In this scenario they have effectively eliminated the possibility of having full intimacy with either.
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Find Out More: Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman
