Surviving Infidelity: How To Go About It?

Extramarital affairs and knowing what to do about them…

Whether an affair is sexual in nature or whether the “unfaithful” spouse simply has feelings of infatuation and love towards another person it still amounts to a breach of trust with your spouse…

Often an illicit sexual affair will start because of some aspect that is lacking in a marital relationship such as the “faithful” spouse’s inability to provide a loving and nurturing environment, or for reasons of ill health.

Other contributing factors for a partner straying.

  • Temptation…This has been cited to us by over 40% of our clients as the sole reason for straying.
  • “Our marriage has become dull and boring”…The flame has died and sexual relations at home are virtually nonexistent.
  • The return of an ex partner or previous lover
    This is by no means an uncommon reason.
  • A one night stand… Often fuelled by alcohol.
  • Frequent business trips away from home… A reduction in intimacy at home because of a spouse’s frequent absences is often cited as the reason.

Each of our recommended marriage guides provides detailed information on the crucial matter of surviving the infidelity of your spouse.

They also offer advice on how couples should manage the process of dealing with and surviving an affair and most importantly how to handle the emotional trauma after infidelity has been exposed.

Signs of infidelity… what to look for.

The signs of infidelity are pretty obvious if you know where to look. We have listed the most common ones under signs of cheating.

How to go about surviving infidelity in marriage.

Once the initial shock of betrayal has subsided the faithful partner needs to consider the options.- Is the wish to move on and terminate the marriage?… Or if the guilty spouse is really repentant and wants to repair the relationship is the best option to endeavor to save the marriage?

Take time to work through the various scenarios. There are many things that you will want to know about your spouses relationship with the other party – for example:

  • Has your own sexual health been compromised by their intimacy with another person? You may need to have a medical checkup to determine this.
  • Is it really possible to trust your spouse again?
  • Are they really serious about terminating their illicit relationship and promising not to stray again?
  • Do you need to consult a counselor either on your own or together to help you cope with your spouse’s infidelity? – (If both parties wish to save the marriage it is advisable that both should attend counseling together).

Ending an affair: 7 positive signs that your marriage is capable of surviving infidelity and can be rebuilt after an affair.

  1. Your partner told you about the betrayal on their own without prompting.
  2. Your partner is willing to answer questions about the affair.
  3. Your partner expresses guilt or remorse.
  4. Your partner is willing to cut off all contact with their lover.
  5. Your partner asks for, or agrees to marriage counseling.
  6. You are willing to let go of your resentment and look inside yourself for reasons that your partner may have sought fulfillment of their needs with someone else.
  7. Both of you are willing to make personal changes to get your marriage back on solid ground.

Infidelity and divorce: Does an affair have to destroy your marriage?

The straight answer is no. If your unfaithful spouse has expressed a genuine desire to want to save your marriage and you also have the same desire and feel that you are capable of surviving their infidelity, then it is worthwhile making a concerted effort to start down the track of repairing the relationship.

As a starting point, each spouse should take responsibility for their own involvement in a marriage where someone felt the need to seek intimacy elsewhere.

Owning your particular part in it as the faithful partner will help you to work past the “victim syndrome” that such affairs inevitably invoke.

Make sure that you don’t leave anything to chance however, it is rare for a couple to be able to turn such a serious issue around without some form of assistance.

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