The major stress points in marriage…
Even in quite strong relationships there are times of tension and marriage difficulties caused by unresolved marriage issues…
However it is when issues begin to really take over a relationship and cause real difficulties that advice needs to be sought.
Marriage issues are many and varied, we will touch on the most common marriage problems that we come across in our practice.
Financial issues in marriage.
There is no doubt that money is the cause of most marriage troubles. In most marriages the payment of bills and banking matters are left to one spouse. Sometimes that person is completely illiterate when it comes to budgeting, with the result that the couple often get in a financial mess… then disputes arise.
Communication is the name of the game… continuing discussion and agreement on the handling of the finances is sure to avoid any future difficulties involving money.
Job versus family issues.
Difficulties often arise when one partner puts their job ahead of their family. Working long hours at a job is something that many people use as an excuse to avoid dealing with other matters such as having to help with the children or helping prepare the evening meal.
A working spouse may also be very ambitious and feel it necessary to work long hours to impress the boss. Either way marital relationships suffer.
Intimacy & Sex issues.
Along with money problems, disagreement over the matter of sex is one of the major marriage issues.
Often partners have completely different levels of desire. This can lead to arguments and resentment with one partner feeling unloved because their sexual appetite is not being satisfied and the other partner feeling that they are being pressured into something that they don’t want to do.
Sexual dysfunction is also becoming increasingly common with almost 40% of both men and women citing it as a reason for their marital intimacy problems.
For more information on this important topic see our page on marriage intimacy.
Bad habits can be a marriage killer.
One spouse’s bad habits can develop into more than an irritation for their partner, they can often be the determining factor for a marriage breakup.
In no particular order, here are some of the top annoying, disgusting and irritating behaviors that can grow into monumental marriage issues that are constantly referred to in our counseling sessions:
- Bad hygiene habits.
- Leaving dirty clothes on the bedroom floor.
- Breaking wind in your partners presence.
- Lack of personal hygiene.
- Not tidying up.
- Lying or hiding the truth.
- Not respecting the furniture.
- Drinking to excess.
- Monopolizing conversations.
- Criticizing your spouse in public.
- Childish behavior.
- Constantly altering the order of things in the home.
- Neglecting grooming.
The list is of course virtually endless. However small your partner’s “faults” are, if you find them irritating they will encumber you, enslave you and prevent you from moving forward in your life.
Long standing bad habits are hard to break, even so there are procedures for breaking them if your partner is willing to co-operate.
Mid Life Crisis.
This is an issue that is very common with most men and women suffering from it at some stage, whether they admit it or not.
However it can impact seriously on a marriage if it is not brought under control. In very severe cases it can lead to depression. With women it often occurs with menopause bringing with it the realization that her child bearing days are over.
Then there is the increased look of ageing with lines becoming apparent around the eyes and wrinkles appearing, and the general lack of energy and increasing health problems and aches in the joints. And to top it all every child that she has loved and nurtured for years has flown the nest.
With men it’s usually the drop off in libido, anxiousness over the job and maintaining rank and respect in the position, keeping up with technology, concerns over providing for their old age and of course many of the health problems that their wives suffer from.
Generally speaking in the back of the mind, regardless of the particular issue, whether male or female, is the realization of mortality.
This period is often a time fraught with severe relationship problems with many marriages that had survived 30 or 40 years heading for the divorce court.
For more information on this vital topic check out our article on married relationships.
Marriage issues involving illness.
The matter of illness, be it the husband or wife, often leads to stress in a marriage and can be extremely draining, particularly if that illness is of a serious nature. It can be difficult to be supportive in these circumstances especially if the illness is long term or terminal, or as a result of dementia.
As hard as it may be try and concentrate on the good times and provide your partner with all the support you can muster, be patient with them talk with them, and endeavor to comfort them. Often it is helpful to contemplate what it would be like if you were in their position… how would you wish to be treated?
Marriage issues involving children.
This subject is covered further in our article on marriage and children.
There are matters relating to the effects of divorce on children that we will cover briefly however.
Possibly the most detrimental effect of an impending marriage breakup or divorce on children is the loss of security that will encompass them. It is so vitally important for children to grow up in an atmosphere of love and tolerance. Children need stability and nurturing to become well rounded adults.
Never argue in front of a child about matters that involve their upbringing, place in the family, or the impact that have had on the marriage. Children will invariably take such matters to heart and conclude that they are the cause of the disharmony. Such behavior in front of a child can have a detrimental effect on their self worth.
The effects of divorce on a child particularly an adolescent are often the cause of a kid going off the rails and associating with bad elements, becoming drug and alcohol dependent or even turning to crime. Social agencies will tell you that these are indisputable facts.
Check out our topic on stopping divorce.
Research has shown that divorce and unhappy marriages are more than likely to affect a child’s performance at school. Children from broken homes generally have inferior academic achievement levels than those living in homes where there is a harmonious and loving atmosphere.
Unfortunately no matter what you do to soften the impact of divorce or disharmony in a marriage there will always be a residual effect on a child. Ensure that you maintain loving contact with them, involve them in your activities if possible and involve yourself in theirs.