It’s obvious that the process of marriage crisis starts gradually, with partners becoming more and more estranged. This estrangement actually occurs in different ways. For instance, there are some estrangements in pairs which happen after several months of being married…and there are some that develop in 5 to 7 years of relationship.
Marriage Crisis: Be Creative and Fix Your Marriage
In the first scenario couples after several truly exciting months may feel they are getting bored. The sense of bright and sparkling love is over. Now, when partners became psychologically intimate, they seek answers for what else they can do together: whether to live together, have a child, have a rest together, work together or do something else.
The excitement of just seeing your loved/beloved disappears, the mind adapts to the presence of a person beside and you consider him/her as usual thing. There is a point in it because a person never marks time, he/she needs to go further. And a question arises: if one should go further, then how and where? And whether together with their partner?
In the second scenario, after 5 to 7 years (or more) of being married, a wife will be talking about the lack of romance and attention from her husband, and the husband, as a rule, will talk nothing. He just doesn’t believe he can get emotionally full life in his family and will look for what he lacks outside of his family. It’s not necessarily infidelity, but he could get bogged into his work, spend much time with his friends or pursue a hobby.
In this period a couple faces prolonged stability. They live at the same apartment, they have established their household, they likely have children. Much energy is spent to achieve all this. And a question arises: what will we do further with all we have achieved at the moment?
Many people relate both scenarios to the end of love. But it’s not necessarily so. The key element responsible for a marriage crisis is…boredom. Modern society, oriented to consumption, by all means attempts to avoid boredom because boredom today is treated as something that you don’t get enough from life. Once you get bored, you have to instantly run somewhere to get something.
Infidelity is also reaction to boredom. Boredom occurs when old stereotypes of behavior stop to satisfy and the needs for new solutions on organizing one’s life arise. But boredom is not indication of the end of love. It’s a sign that a person needs constructive changes inside.
For example, when having family life, there is an issue on what to do with that family, how each member of it is able to self-realize. Will a woman self-realize exclusively within family by establishing comfort and coziness, taking care of children or she will be doing something outside of home – creative work or just having a job? How will a man live in the society resting upon his family, what amendments will his family cause in his social life? By the way, it’s known that a man who has family behind achieve success mostly because of it.
Boredom might be a sign that spouses have done much for themselves and for each other. Now they should understand how they will live, act and exist together, how they will support one another, how they will see their human potential fulfilled, realize their talents, what goals they will set as a family, how they will raise and bring up their children.
If couples put efforts to resolve these issues, then chances are there will be no boredom. If they don’t, some time the family will stagnate and then this construction with highest probability will fall apart.
The problem is modern culture doesn’t support family. Media in very rare cases covers the stories of successful couples who self-realized themselves in family life. It becomes harder and harder to get answers about how a family could happily realize itself. That’s why an individual solves this issue at their own risk. Some of them may be lucky if they grew in good and integrate families. In majority cases, since people have no guidance, they have to re-invent a wheel and family construction transforms into long and painful process with lots of deadlocks and wrong decisions made. Often a family can’t bear the heaviness of the crisis and ends with separation.
It’s difficult to establish the culture of relationship. It’s not just nicely-looking dress or fine words. It’s creative work. It’s useless if someone is told “Paint a picture!” In order to paint a picture, you have to learn painting and your first pictures will be mediocre. And it’s important at this stage not to give up but continue painting and with time you will create something beautiful. The same applies to your relationship. You need to be more tactful, more patient and develop mutual understanding to come to a beautiful form of relationship. But it’s not easy to do. And after several unsuccessful attempts, many people give up.
The most important thing in the process is talking to each other. You have to consider the ideas of spending spare time as a joint project, discuss your satisfaction or dissatisfaction about all this. Don’t be afraid to talk about some complicated moments like you got bored and disinterested, that your partner’s underwear is awful, etc. Anything that troubles you should be discussed. And only after that you should think on how to diversify your joint life.