Are you showing any of the classic signs of jealousy?
It is a very unusual person who doesn’t get jealous from time to time, particularly when one feels that their marriage is being threatened by a flirting spouse…
Maybe your spouse has a history of flirting with a member of the opposite sex that you invariably perceive as being more attractive than yourself. Or perhaps your partner is more outgoing than yourself and because of this other people are drawn to them.
Just bear in mind that jealous people often look at the world through distorted lenses.
Also bear in mind that dealing with jealousy in an effective way is mainly a matter of ensuring that you have confidence in yourself. Jealousy has a lot to do with self esteem… it pays to consider whether this applies in your case. A healthy ego is a marvelous protection against jealousy.
Jealousy – good and bad.
A bit of jealousy – the good kind where you notice another person lustfully checking out your spouse and feel a twinge – can be healthy in a marriage. It’s a reminder that you should not take your spouse for granted, and it can even reignite sparks in your sexual relationship. But the bad jealousy – where one spouse wants to keep the other from the rest of the world puts your marriage and sometimes even your life at risk.
All couples have feelings of jealousy from time to time, whether its a husband viewing with concern his wife talking animatedly, or even intimately, with an attractive male. Or a wife struggling with her feelings when she becomes aware that her husband is spending more time than she believes is necessary with an attractive female workmate .
What is jealousy?
Understand that jealousy is a reactionary emotion so by its very nature it has a reason. It is a very natural and normal emotional response to a perceived threat.
Getting jealous is not necessarily bad.
Problems arise when your jealousy gets unmanageable and your behavior gets out of control. When you reach this point, unless you have an effective means of dealing with jealousy in place, your relationship with your spouse and others is inevitably in jeopardy.
Tips for dealing with jealousy.
- Become independent. Are you unduly reliant on your partner for support in many situations such as in financial matters, social contacts and family relationships. A liile bit of self analyzing can go a long way to determining whether this is the case. If you believe that you fall short in some of these areas then make an effort to change to become more self reliant.
- Make a real effort to become more confident. Join a club such as Toastmasters to improve your communication skills.
- Discuss your feelings with your spouse. A satisfying and honest discussion with your partner could work wonders… your spouse may not even be aware of your feelings until you air them.
- Communication is important in marriage particularly in coping with jealousy. We have seen unresolved matters of jealousy bring a marriage to its knees.
- Professional help. Seek this if you feel that you are unable to deal with jealousy problems without independent advice and help.
Forms of jealousy.
- Irrational. Based purely on imagined or perceived events.
- Destructive. This form is based on events that are real not imagined. It is used as a mechanism of revenge for hurt suffered, however it goes nowhere to resolving the problem. It usually manifests itself in anger… and sometimes in mental and physical violence.
- Proactive. Based on the fear of loss. Although this is a reaction to a real situation and invokes anger, unlike destructive jealousy it doesn’t lead to violence but to concerns of self preservation. Because it is more controlled than destructive jealousy, it allows for rational reflection on the merits or otherwise of continuing a relationship.
Dealing with jealousy in a relationship is a matter that requires tact on the part of the party that can see signs of jealousy in a partner who is unable to recognize it in themselves.
Issues of jealousy can impact quite dramatically on relationships. Jealousy can take on many forms for example a person may exhibit traits of jealousy for no particular reason apart from perhaps a feeling of insecurity… a child may be jealous of a sibling, a person may be jealous of another’s accomplishments, talent or engaging personality.
Jealousy can even turn to resentment. There are however techniques that can be employed to overcome this quite common trait.
In Dr Lee Baucom’s guide “Save The Marriage eBook” you will find such techniques. This online downloadable book is now in its 10th year of publication and is highly rated by many marriage counselors.