Think that a marriage problem is because he or she doesn't pay much attention to you? You could be right - and here are some tips to solve that.
If you examine marriage manuals or “save your marriage” Web sites, you’ll find the number one marriage problem is lack of communication; or misinterpreted communication.
There are many reasons why communication is a marriage problem, not the least of which is that men and women process information differently.
The stereotypical “does this dress make me look fat?” question is asked by her for reassurance of desirability, but perceived by him as a no-win situation. If he says “no,” he accused of being dishonest, but a “yes” answer hurts her.
While lack of communication is definitely a marriage problem, so is a lack of attention toward one another. But indifference isn’t as dramatic as lack of communication. Also, it’s assumed that the longer a couple is together, the more “comfortable” they feel with one another.
Indifference, or lack of attention, is the marriage problem that isn’t addressed quite as often as communication – the problem in which you take each other for granted. It’s more than simply being apart. Even when you’re with one another, you’re really not together. Schedules, children and even the television set, interfere with time spent as a couple.
The irony here is that lack of attention shouldn’t be a marriage problem. It certainly isn’t a dating problem. Think of it – when you and your spouse were dating, you made sure that person had your attention; as much of it as possible. When you were together, you would talk for hours, resenting any interference from anyone else.
Even when you couldn’t be together, there was the phone, or email, which you used religiously to stay in touch.
But a funny thing happens once wedding rings are slipped on fingers. The idea of paying attention toward one another, really paying attention to that other person, goes into the drawer with the wedding album and tarnished cake knife. You begin to feel neglected, as though your needs aren’t being met – and your spouse feels the same way. The result is a deep marriage problem which, if not addressed, could lead to separation.
One way to move around this is to dedicate time together as a couple. Set a date night, just the two of you, with no kids, phones or any other distractions. Recapture the feeling you had while you were dating, that your partner was the only other person in the world who mattered.
While scheduling that “date night,” could be a challenge, do it anyway. You’ll find yourself closer – and you could find it reduces certain marriage problems you might be experiencing.