Winning an ex back – is it really that easy?
Often when a marital relationship breaks up it is very common for one or both of the partners to discover that their feelings for their spouse run much deeper than they had realized…
Many people would be really keen to find a way to win back their ex and resume their previous loving relationship.
Getting back with an ex spouse is not necessarily an insurmountable task, however if hurtful things were said during the break up or if the relationship ended badly, re-establishing communication in an endeavor to win back your ex may be difficult.
You need to be able to let them know that you still care deeply for them and want to give your relationship another chance.
How to win back your ex.
The simplest way is to just call and ask them if there’s a time you can catch up. It pays to be prepared for a cool response, so an approach such as ” I would love to meet you for lunch as I have a few things that I need to apologize for,” can sometimes work wonders and achieve a positive response.
Often an intermediary (such as a friend) can be useful to assist in establishing communication between you and your ex spouse.
A word of warning however, be careful with this course of action as a friend may not have the necessary skills at conveying the message in a way that will provide the result that you desire.
However if you are confident that the person you have chosen as a ‘go between’ has the ability to act as peacemaker then by all means use them.
Make sure that you are completely honest with this person about the fact that your total focus is on getting back together with your ex. Don’t try and play it cool – the time for that has passed.
Another method is to write your thoughts down in a letter.
Stay sincere and don’t let your letter get long winded. When it is done, let it sit for 24 hours then read over it again and make sure it says exactly what you want it to and that it is not open to misinterpretation.
In this letter begin by acknowledging any mistakes you may have made and any hurt you may have caused. Apologize and ask your ex to read the letter through and let you know if there’s any way you can make it up to them.
Give them a little space after that – say a week, then contact them by phone and ask for a meeting over lunch or coffee. In our experience the recipient of the letter will not initiate contact even though they may be keen to meet – so it’s really over to you.
Getting back together with your ex
Our natural inclination is to worry that we are going to lose this relationship forever. Losing someone who you love so much is a natural fear. But we’ll get much farther in our relationships if we come from a place of love, not fear.
So show genuine care and concern for the special people in your life. Be forgiving and be caring towards your ex. Listen and truly try to understand where they are coming from, even if you disagree with them.
A simple technique that many of our clients have successfully employed is to do something nice for your ex (with no expectations or obligations attached).
A small thank you gift, flowers, or an outing can help revive a once chilly relationship.