Why can’t we get along?
The quality of a couple’s communication before marriage is one of the best predictors of future marital success…
How differences in opinion are resolved is the critical factor in achieving effective communication in marriage.
Naturally this requires strong communication skills which is something that few couples cultivate before any damage has been done.
Research has shown that 30% to 50% of couples are mutually abusive, or respond to verbal or emotional abuse with like abuse so it’s little wonder then that so many marriages are dysfunctional.
Some issues affecting communication in a marriage.
- One or both partners always act defensively under criticism.
- Always being negative about the others point of view.
- Blaming the other for anything that goes wrong.
- Bringing up past arguments.
- Finding it difficult to say “I’m sorry”.
- Interrupting the other when they are speaking.
- Letting conflicts last for long periods.
- Not speaking to each other in a civil manner for days after an argument.
- Never forgetting or forgiving.
- Wanting to win every argument rather than resolving disagreements.
- Not listening to the others opinion.
- Refusing to discuss a matter that the other wants to air.
If you or your partner fall into any of the above categories it will be difficult to maintain, or even have, a positive and loving relationship.
It is an established fact that people who grow up in dysfunctional families with negative communication patterns often find themselves falling into those same behaviors themselves when they get married.
Effective communication in marriage is really just a simple matter of replacing criticism with praise, replacing accusations with attempts at understanding, replacing talking with listening, replacing defensiveness with openness, and replacing silence with sharing.
We all have negative feelings about our partner from time to time.
In many marriages, partners go quiet, repressing their feelings until resentment seeps through. In other marriages, partners react angrily towards their spouse and express their feelings through criticism and verbal abuse. Neither option makes for a healthy marriage.
Even if your spouse isn’t saying anything to you, chances are that he or she has a lot to say. It’s just that your spouse either doesn’t know how to bring it up, is afraid of your reaction, or doesn’t think it is worth the effort to share with you.
Improving communication in a marriage.
- Practice your own listening skills… don’t monopolize the conversation. Your partner may feel that you never give him or her a chance to speak because you’re always talking.
- Don’t be judgmental, listen to what your partner has to say… respect their opinion. If you disagree stay silent until your partner has had their say. Apologize when you are wrong, do it with conviction and sincerity.
- Always let your partner know that you are grateful that they have told you about their day or have expressed their opinions to you about mutual issues.
- Always make time to speak to each other, effective marriage communication is so important in order to retain a loving marriage. Have a chat at bedtime or first thing in the morning, however brief it doesn’t matter.
- Ask about anything that they plan to do during the day ahead or in the evening… and listen!! Listening is every bit as important as speaking to them.
|“People change their attitudes and opinions throughout their lives but they forget to tell each other.”|
Lack of communication in marriage – do you need help ?
Highly regarded relationship experts Mirabelle Summers & Amy Waterman have written a new guide on communication in relationships. They have titled it “Conversation Chemistry“.
In this manual Mirabelle & Amy provide the solutions to establishing and maintaining effective communication between yourself and your partner.
“Conversation Chemistry“ comprises nearly 300 pages jam-packed with tips for singles and couples alike.
- Why men and women communicate differently
- How to start a conversation
- How to tease and flirt
- How to never run out of anything to say
- How to communicate affection
- How to argue (and how not to argue)
- How to talk about your feelings
In recognition of the inherent differences between the sexes, Mirabelle & Amy have written two separate editions of the guide – one for men and one for women.