In the last blog we talked about how breaking up is hard to do. While I spoke mostly from the perspective of being left, a break up can be challenging for both individuals. Think about your own break-ups and you’ll know what I mean.
If you’ve ever broken up with someone, think about how you did it. Few among us are willing to sit with the person we’re leaving and face his feelings about it. We tend to slink out the door and don’t want to deal with it. We lack courage. It’s hard to face causing pain to another, especially one who was once our beloved.
We need support during a break-up.
In the spirit of support, I offer these 7 tips for a soulful survival that can bring you out the other side thriving and feeling like you have your best self moving forward with you:
7 Tips To A Soulful Break-Up
1) Be Yourself
Respond authentically and be real with yourself. Let yourself feel how YOU feel. Don’t go off course by being how someone else thinks you should be. They aren’t YOU.
There is no rule book. You are unique. Do it your way.
2) Feel Your Feelings But Don’t Act On Them
You’re going to experience a wide range of emotions and it’s NORMAL. Acting out your feelings, not always a good thing. While it’s cool to let yourself feel enraged, it’s not okay to act out your rage and harm others.
Depression is normal, but if it reaches the point where you’re having thoughts of self-harm you need to immediately seek therapy (there are many types of healing modalities to choose from, including mind-body tools).
3) Don’t Try To Be Lofty
If you want, have your version of the rum and pepsi (if you’re not prone to alcoholism), but avoid destructive behaviors. Let your mean thoughts have their day.
Allow yourself to go a bit off your usual course. Cut yourself slack. Make space for the grief, disbelief, anger, or shock.
4) Don’t Let A Diversion Become A Habit
I allowed myself a couple rum and pepsi’s a day because I was confident I wasn’t going to be swigging down gallons of rum 3 months later.
While diversions are fine for awhile – even healthy ones like work or exercise – they don’t take the place of sitting with your feelings.
Avoiding is a short-term stopping place, not a final destination.
5). Before you speak or act ask yourself if you can live with the consequences down the road.
This includes how you’ll feel about yourself later if you say or do what you’re thinking.
If you feel COMPELLED to say or do something it’s a definite cue to NOT act on it. Call a friend immediately. Place your attention elsewhere. Write the letter and DON’T SEND IT. Do anything that works for you to stop yourself from acting out compulsive behavior.
You know that feeling when you tell yourself just don’t say it…or do it…and the next thing you know your mouth is speaking as if it had a mind all its own. Oopsey! Not the best ever!
6) Find Something To Hold On To
Everyone finds meaning in and takes comfort in different things. Find something that helps restore your faith in life.
Call upon your friends for support. Don’t isolate for too long.
7) If You Are Leaving Sit With Your Partner and Face Them
Unless your partner is raging, or you fear they will, honor them by telling them directly you’re leaving.
Let her express the hurt, anger, and grief over being left. It’s hard but you can leave with your integrity intact if you will do this.
Choose To Restore Your Faith In Love and Life
My experience confirmed for me that relationship separation is indeed a window of opportunity for transformation.
Transformation usually occurs as a process, when you own the truth of your experience and embrace it authentically.
Break ups don’t always look highly evolved, especially in the initial stages. In fact they usually don’t.
A separation rocks us to the core and the proverbial s**t is likely to hit the fan for awhile. All hell will break loose, as they say.
Yet, if you’ll hang in there and see it through to the best of your ability at the time, you can come out the other side of the experience more wise, aware, and renewed.
Believing in love and life, although you may be slightly war torn in the process.
How can you best do this?
How can you restore your belief in love and life?
You choose it.
It really does begin with a choice you’re willing to make to claim the brilliant beauty of your own unique life. Claim love.
What’s Your Experience?
I hope you enjoy these tips and find them helpful. Let me know your experiences with break-ups.
- What helped you get through it?
- If you were the one leaving, what did you experience?
- Is there anything you’d do differently if you had your separation to do over again?
- What have you learned?
Be well, and may you experience the best break-ups ever!