Is your marriage stuck in the same old pattern? Things are boring and nothing much changes? You seem to be drifting nowhere in particular?
Too often we get stuck in a pattern of arguing and retreating and escaping to our media gizmos. This is much simpler than working on our issues. But you know where this leads…general dissatisfaction which may allow more severe disruption into your comfortable existence. Complacency will kill a happy marriage.
It’s time to face what’s going on and fix it.
How can you bring back a heart connection with your partner, start to communicate again and resolve some of your marriage issues?
Here are five steps to fixing your marriage problems
Use these ideas for creating meaningful connections with your loved one.
Create some short, simple rituals
One ritual could be as simple as giving a long hug before each person leaves for work. Sending a quick text about midday to see how each person’s day is going or sharing a heartfelt ‘I love you’ at night before falling asleep. A little romance goes a long way to creating a happy marriage.
Schedule unplugged family dinners together.
Sure you both might work late and have many commitments in the evening but try to schedule a few dinners at home each week. Make this a time to relax and have fun together. Most of all, turn off the TV, ipad and phone and let this time be a catalyst for all kinds of adventures and new ways to be together.
Use this time to share about your day… what happened and your thoughts and feelings. Try for the positive ones.
Plan date nights
Schedule an evening once a month for an extra special date night out. Try to make it unusual or somewhere you haven’t been before. It can be for a fancy meal but there are lots of inexpensive ideas as well. How about Chinese and bowling, takeaway and stargazing, a visit to an art museum or a concert.
You’ll need to sync up your calendars each month and schedule in this time like every other commitment. It’s worth it as it sends the message that your priority is a happy marriage.
Get creative with family trips
Taking yearly extended family vacations ensures quality time together, but these aren’t always possible, so think outside the square. Plan a series of day trips to unusual spots. They can be near or far. Take turns in planning a ‘secret’ destination and surprise your loved one with the destination when you arrive at the airport.
Create a marriage vision board
This is a great way for you both to express and share your dreams and desires. You each need to brainstorm and choose three words and some corresponding images from magazines or the internet that represent the kind of year that you or your partner would like to have. Paste or tape all the words and images on a large piece of paper for display and then use them as visual guides to focus your thoughts. Good things happen when thoughts are focused.
These simple ideas will help you create a more connected and loving partnership. Just start with one step at a time and a lot of acceptance and watch your marriage issues start to dissolve.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
There are many components to a good relationship and every little thing counts.
What causes conflict in your relationship?
A peculiar story was told about a woman and her first Thanksgiving Turkey dinner.
The woman presented on the celebration dinner table a delectable, trimmed bird, glistening golden brown, with the pan juices dripping over its golden-crisped skin.
It was a culinary beauty to behold … with the exception of the missing tail end, which she had dutifully cut off and discarded before baking.
When her guests inquired as to the missing turkey pieces she explained that it was the way her grandmother always baked the turkey and so she was passing this tradition down through the generations.
She was proud of her continuation of the family cord.
Curious about the waste of good turkey meat, a guest pressed further to find out the logic. Leaning over to ask the grandmother about this tradition, she reeled back in laughter when the old woman exclaimed she didn’t have a clue why her granddaughter would do this. The only reason she ever cut the turkey end off was due to the roasting pan being too small.
Consider your family traditions
A humorous story about how we construct and hold onto beliefs or traditions that no longer make sense.
Expanding on this concept, and applying it to our roles in a relationship, I was struck by the numerous ways we live out habit patterns just because “that’s the way our family does it.”
What happens when your spouse has an entirely different set of family traditions and beliefs? How do you build your own traditions?
Can we dare ruffle up the feathers of ancestors by taking a look at the areas in our life in which we carry on doing something that was engrained in us while children?
Some of these things may be great… put the cap on the toothpaste, put down the lid on the toilet seat, etc. … all designed to make our relationships smoother and happier indeed.
But what about the neurotic behavior traditions that insist we become someone and do something we are not even remotely connected to just to fulfill an obligation of carrying on beliefs in a role or tradition.
Switch gears and personalize this to your everyday experience in a relationship.
My partner should be …. and do …. (you fill in the blanks).
We grow up observing and deducing what we believe are the roles of spouses in a healthy relationship.
Perhaps we need to take a closer look and see if these beliefs are serving us well or putting undue expectation on one another.
Healthy relationships encounter situations which allow us to live our roles out in a nourishing flexible manner.
Drop the guilt of doing something just to satisfy the ages.
Keep the traditions that are meaningful to you and your loved ones.
Review your beliefs about who you are in your relationships and see if they are true for the person you are now.
It’s never too late to change things up and create more meaningful ways of expressing and celebrating your life.
Above all, don’t take yourself too seriously and try to see the funny side of life.
