A healthy, happy marriage is a wonderful thing.
Why do so many marriages fail?
Many of us think that we know ourselves, but the reality is, we do not. Some of us define ourselves by what others think we should be.
We create ideas in our head about what we think we want in order to please others. This could be parents, family or friends. And this worrying about what they want only leads to confusion about what you really want.
In doing this, we are cheating ourselves out of relationships and experiences that will fulfil us and make us happy.
If you desire to make your relationship or marriage stronger and happier, here are three simple healthy marriage tips for you.
1) Know who you are
This might be why so many people get into marriages that fail. After heartache and distress they wonder why they got married in the first place.
Sometimes it is because they just felt lonely or felt that was the expectation of their social group and family.
In any case, they did not realize who they were and what they really desired from their loving relationship.
And because they did not realize it, they ended up making choices that did not make them happy.
2) Forget about your past and future
Thinking that we can control the future is something that most of us do. We think that if we make the right choices right now, we will make everything in the future come true. But we cannot even begin to guess what lies ahead of us.
We can change our energy and we can hope for the best, but we can not change the future. By letting go of this responsibility, we can let go of the control of future. Because, in a sense, when we try to control the future, it is because we are afraid of what MIGHT happen – emphasis on the ’might.’
Conversely, we can not control the past either.
What is done is done and we can not go back to fix the mistakes of our love lives. We have all made mistakes, poor choices, etc.
We have all done things that we wish we could take back. But focusing on these things only gives them power to control the way we live our lives today.
And since we only really have control over the things that are happening right now, why think about the things that we can not change?
Living in the past and future relationships of your life does not guarantee your happiness. So, to have a healthy marriage, be happy and attract more happiness to you, you need to start living for today’s joy and today’s possibilities.
Always remember that: “The only thing you have control over is right now”.
3) Always choose to look for the good in your spouse and partner
There is an old exercise in which you look for all the red things in the room for a few minutes. Then you close your eyes and are asked to list all of the blue things.
The reasoning behind this exercise is that when you are not looking for certain things in other people, you won’t notice when they do appear.
If you believe that every man you meet is going to be an abuser like your last boyfriend or husband, it becomes likely that is all you will find. But if you change your thinking to the thought that you will find good in every person that you meet, you will find that to be true as well.
My friend Terrell, complained often of feeling lonesome in his life. No matter where he went or who he met, he seemed to keep ending up with the same kind of woman – someone that took advantage of him and left him feeling worthless.
Subconsciously he was looking for this trait in women, so that is what he always found.
I suggested simply that he start keeping a mental list of all the good things that he saw in everyone and everything in his life; his boss, his co-workers, shop staff, delivery man, his dog, his apartment, his car, etc.
I asked him each evening to record all the positives of his daily life.
By changing his mind to focus on the positive, he began to see that people really weren’t as bad as he had come to expect, life had lots of fun times and things to appreciate and that some women could actually be nice to him without seeking to take advantage.
As he gradually changed his vibration, he changed the circumstances of his life for the better.
If yours is not the healthy marriage you crave, this is a simple exercise you too can try.