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What it means to say "I Do"... making your marriage work

Making marriage work requires considerable effort

A couple just married embracingWhen two people marry they vow to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

It's a declaration on their part that there is only one person that they are totally committed to whether "in sickness or in health, in good times and bad, forever and ever".

The fact that making their marriage work will require a considerable degree of effort doesn't even enter most couples minds.

It's quite sad that many couples are just not prepared to spend the time and effort in building their marriage and really making their partnership work. In many western countries over 45% of all first marriages end in divorce within five years from the time they take their vows.

Staying together in good times is easy, but when married relationships become strained many people take ending it as the easiest option.

"We marry the person we love ... we must then learn to love the person we marry".

For those amongst you who have really tried to make your marriage work but feel now that you have come to the end of the road and need an additional incentive to realize your goal, then it would definitely pay to check out Amy Waterman's best selling "Save My Marriage Today" guide... It is without doubt one of the best and most workable marriage guides currently available.

If your issues are minor try following this simple plan

With a little work and care, you can restore your relationship. There is a very basic three step process to making a marriage work and to bring back the good times:

First - Decide that making your marriage work is something that you really desperately want.

This may sound very simple however it is probably the hardest step of all. It’s easy to say you want to rescue your marriage... but as we all know that doesn’t necessarily mean it is going to happen.

As with all goals in life when you decide that making your marriage work is what you really want then you need to make this your number one focus.

Your purpose in life needs to become focused on this one goal - that of saving your marriage. Even if it means making major adjustments to work habits, changing jobs, adjusting your family and social life.

If it means not catching up with friends then you don’t catch up with friends.

Nothing should be more important than your marriage.

With everything you are doing you should be asking “will this help me realise my goal of making my marriage work"?

Second - Figure out what is wrong.

Again, this is not as easy as it sounds. More often than not the things that trigger arguments aren’t the underlying problems. It's the real issues that are at the bottom of your difficulties that you need to uncover.

Sit down and talk with your spouse and acknowledge that things are not working as they should... be honest and open about how you are both feeling.

Open this conversation by asking “How can I make you happier”? A husband’s first natural response to that is probably going to be sexual. A wife should not assume that he is joking or being crude.

Very often a man needs a strong physical component in a relationship, so take the response on board. Then say “Okay, what else”?

Third - FIX IT.

Once a marital problem is acknowledged and defined, it becomes so much easier to actually see what the steps are to putting things back on an even keel again.

The problem almost always contains the solution. If the problem is... “I don’t feel I have enough time with you” then the solution has already presented itself. Likewise if it's... “I don’t have enough time to myself” you can move the other way.

The key is to identify the real problems and have an honest shot at fixing them... Happy successful marriages don't just happen they take constant effort, compromise, communication, and sharing on the part of both spouses.

These are the three basic tips to marriage enrichment. It may sound really simple but believe us these are the first step strategies that you can employ to help save and enrich your marriage.

Take a look at our articles on "What Makes a Good Marriage" and "What To Do About a Bad Marriage".

In the following video Dr. Helen Fisher outlines her secrets to making a marriage work.